Sex and Kink Magic - Part 1

With Beltaine just passed a wanted to start this topic for a bit of fun. A lot of practitioners instinctivly know about sex magick without actually ever being taught anything. It's pretty obvious that the orgasim is a powerful building and releasing of energy that can be directed if one can gain control over it. But this is about as much as most people know, apart from, perhaps, the ability to tease it out to build for as long as possible. So let's chat about this subject a little bit more in depth than usual.

First of all we have to split it into three catagories: solitary, hetropartnership, and homopartnership. We can split each of these catagories even further again, but lets just start with solitary.

SOLITARY SEX MAGICK
Despite Pagans being quite open minded, there are a lot of females out there who still cringe at the idea of touching themselves and have never explored or studied themselves at all. This is something you have to work through yourself, I'm afraid. Many have been brought up in christian households and were made to believe masterbation was very wrong and to never spill one's seed on the ground. Although they may be pagan now, it can be hard to get over this hypnosis and allow oneself to truely express themselves sexually, especially by themselves.

Another reason can be when you are trying to get over sexual abuse. Becoming turned on can immediatly trigger memories of this and can be very hard to work through. Sex magick can actually really help with these problems if you are willing to face the deamons. In fact most bad experiences can be worked through with sex magic. But how?

Masterbation causes many things to happen psychologically. The first step is that you look inwards and begin to ignore things around you. (This can actually be harder in a circle as most people are used to masterbation in an enclosed area like a bed or the shower. But being by candle light and wearing a light cloak can help you slowly get through this. The feeling of being exposed can actually heighten one's sensations.) Upon looking inwards one can go into a trance mode or alpha state. From here we can easily access memories we have problems with or issues we need to work through. There's a quite a few ways to do this and you will have to experiment and find whats good for you. Here's one way. You can either begin masterbation and then consentrate on an issue, or start concentrating and then begin masterbation, find what works for you, I generally find the second works best for me as it can be hard to turn yourself on if you are already concentrating on a problem issue. Explore the issue as much as you can, looking at it rom every angle. Due to being stimulated at the same time, concentration is increased and you can start to look at it from different points of view as your conscious mind is somewhat being kept distracted. Slowly begin to battle the issue with symbology that works for you. Perhaps you start cutting off ties, forcing them to disintigrate etc. Speed up your masterbation as you attack each problem, you may find you naturally hold your breath and pish through each issue and this is fine (if you pass out you actually naturally start breathing again so don't worry too much about this. A lot of people hold their breath during stimulation without realising it, but because we are looking in ward it can become more noticable. if you think about it, or anything that you are doing physically, just push the thought aside gently and go back to the issue you need to be concentrating on.) As you come closer to orgasim, begin to gather up the negative energy in your mind, balling it up, tightening it up, cutting the ties. When you orgasim, push the negative energy out of your body (usually via the genetils) and throw it away. Slowly stretch out on the floor, and begin to replace the energy you have just lost. Imagine a white light coming through your crown chakra and circulate it round your body as your breathing slowly turns to normal. Some people like to meditate at this point as you are very relaxed, but if you have just gotten rid of negative energy it can be better just to try and think about nothing. Slowly curl yourself into a ball on one side and relax again. Stay for as long as you need, you've been through a huge ordeal. Some will naturally start crying after orgasim and this is a great release, let it flow.

Another use is for healing or general health. Circulating energy around the body while you masterbate, or gathering energy up to send off to someone upon orgasim which you are visualising through the masterbation process. Visulisation can be quite hard to get the hang of when you start out while you're doing something so distracting. Just gently push anything not important aside as you realise you are thinking about it and keep in mind that practice makes perfect (lucky you!)

Others will use bodily fluids post orgasim to bless items or put energy into them. For example - create a sigil that reflects what you wish to be done. You can draw this so you can concentrate on it better or memorise it. Masterbate to the point of orgasim and then trace or draw the sigil onto paper. This can be used as a talisman, or put away and forgotten about. For women, sexual juices and menstral blood can be extremely powerful. Runes, for example, are great to concecrate and connect to yourself by putting each one inside you to coat them, or to dab a bit on. Most people by this point will be think - but the smell?! Upon drying it not quite as potent as you think, but if you wish to post coat it in a suitable incense or perfume, go ahead. I will explore the other catagories later. Let's tackle solitary first, as it's where one should start before partner sex magick anyways!

Oh, and a big reminder about being careful about TSS and infections! If you cannot sterilise an object before placing it inside you (remember you can also put something your mouth to concentrate orgasmic energy on it but be VERY careful not to swallow it, especially during orgasm!) then consider placing it in a condom. This also can settle any fears of losing the object. The energy will still get through easily, especially when you're focusing it towards it. But do be careful what you use - no sharp objects, wooden objects that can give splinters, too large an object etc. Using a condom will also help with any smell scares, and will be very nice if you are planning on giving an energised object to someone else!

HETROPARTNERSHIP
This is broken down into even more subheadings:
- With partners (wife/husband, gf/bf)
- With working partners or other practitioners
- With non-pagans
- Kink Magick and BDSM
Alot of the things I spoke about in 'Solitary Sex Magic' can easily be practiced with a partner (or more). But the first thing to set up in a partnership is a set of signals. Sex rituals tend to not have much talking in it excpet for the odd decleration or invocation, so unless you have a good psychic connection with your partner, it's a good idea to set up some hand signals, or even single words so you can understand what the other person is going through, or sync up more easily. Things that you need to keep track of is:
- Pace: How worked up you are, how close to orgasm you are, whether you need to speed up or slow down to catch up with your partner, whether you need something harder or softer. These are the kind of signals that are naturally developed in any long term sexual partnership, but if you are practicing with someone who is not your partner (I am not going to morals or ethics or modern day ideals surrounding this if you are doing sex magic with someone who isn't your usual sexual partner here) these signals will need to be set up.

- Concentration: Once can easily get distracted by the action of sex, especially when they just start practicing sex magic, and not be concentrating on what they were suppose to be! A huge part of this is self realisation and control - you have to notice quickly when this happens, identify what is distracting you if need be and signal for this to stop, slow down, speed up, move, bring closer etc, and gain control of your visualisations, chanting, whatever magickal tool you are using, but distractions could be being caused by your partner and just saying 'hey stop that' could ruin the mentality and mood of the ritual immedialty, in fact any negative signal can cause libido problems in sex magic - sex is a very sensitive thing, and unless one is confident with their skills, experienced, or has been with the sexual aprtner for a long enough time not to get insulted, this is something to keep in mind. Shaking your head can be picked up as a negative. So what are some other signals to stop your partner doing what ever annoyance they are doing and not ruin the mood and concentration? A signal of 'can I move into a different position?' is a good one (especially if you can take the opportunity to move a distraction out of your line of sight.). Play around with hand signals that you think says this (it is hard for me to explain hand signals in type and what works for me may not work for you or your partner.) Or placing their hand elsewhere, shifiting your balance, asking to pause momentarily so you can readjust your focus, taking a couple of deep breaths to slow down your breathing a bit and bring you back into more of an alpha state.

- Timing of ritual: Ceremonial magic can easily be combined into a sex magick ritual. You may be fine with talking out loud all the way through sex and still be able to concentrate on the needed sexual activity fine, but make sure your partner can as well (unless you are doing a form of consensual leeching off your partner. I say it needs consensus because of a) the moral implications for me and b) unless you are good at reading minds you will not know what your partner is thinking throughout your ritual and you may get some rather interesting manifestations you did not expect because of his thought pattern during the process and/or what it makes upon combining with your thought process.) So think about what you would like done before the sexual activity, during, and after. For example you may wish to cast a circle normally, invoke deties into each other, then perform the sexual rite to raise energy towards something, thank the deties, then close circle. So the casting and closing of the circle can be done out loud, but you may wish to invoke the deties into yourself once you are vibrating at a higher level when more turned on half way through sex or foreplay. This comes back to your ability to concentrate and how well you can actually speak while being stimulated and the same with your partner. If you have either of the above problems, but wish to invoke or perform something during sex/foreplay, you will need to do it your heads, which means sorting out signals to tell you where you up to in the ritual i.e: 'i'm invoking now', 'i have finished invoking and am ready for the next step' etc.

Ok, let's chat a bit about the difference between working with your normal sexual partner, your working partner and non pagans. The first and the last may be the same thing for some so let's first talk about working with non-pagans.

Performing ritual, magick etc is of course possible with non-pagans and it has been done many tmes before successfully. Some are happy to retranslate your beliefs into their beliefs and can still work on the same level. Atheists who don't mind you being pagan and understand what you are doing may be willing to 'play along' or at least do what you need them to do, even if they don't believe in it. It might not be quite as powerful, but can still be done if they are willing. But making sure your non-pagan partner understands what you are doing is important and running through what you will be doing physically and mentally will help them at least stay calm through the experience and more relaxed. (Saying you are going to invoke Pan into yourself then have sex is obviously going be a lot more complicated then that and they will probably be quite freaked out when you suddenly charge around the room chasing them, erect, screaming "IO! IO!" - and no I'm not going to talk about how that might be the effect some of you were after with Pan! Be nice to your willing partners because, yes - rape is still illegal in ritual.)

Consensual Leeching - something we will breifly touch on. 'Leeching' is usually a negative term in the pagan world, hence why I added 'consensual' onto the beginning. We are talking about energy leeching, where one can suck the energy out of another person, object, being for themselves or to put towards something else. Now you understand why I put 'consensual' in front because stealing energy can be dangerous and damaging to either person and is NOT recommended for beginners, please don't even consider it unless you understand perfectly what I mean and its consequences! But this is a common act in sex magick as it is easier to leech during pentrative sex, esepcially a female, or recieving male, leeching from a male due to the powerful 'giving' of semen into the other person. The person receiving can be used as a funnel to send the energy, used as a storage device, can take in the persons energy and circulate it between the couple with their help, or to cleanse the energy and the filter back through to the giving person (good for healing).

So what's the main difference between a sexual partner and a working partner. Many things but the most obvious is love. Of course one can 'love' their working partner (especially if the working partner IS their normal sexual partner), but hopefully everyone knows what I am talk about here. Is love a plus or a minus in sex magick? Both. Love is a very powerful emotion that is more connectd to the mundane world then the spiritual. On side it can greatly enhance the energy flow and power in a sex rite, but if anything negative has been going on in the relationship before the rite, or if the love is currently unstable, it can cause drastic problems. I greatly advise that partners sit down with each other before the ritual and honestly chat about the relationship and if there is any problems that could effect the ritual sub consciously. If there is anything, I do not suggest going ahead with the ritual.

Sex magick with a working partner is still just as powerful though. One reason will be the fact that your working partner are used to working with each other on a spritual level, can probably get into alpha mode a lot faster together, are already used to ritual signals silently between each other, used to the way and order in which you run your rituals, and understand each others energy flow, roles in energy work and how your energies work combined. BUT if you ahve had never had sex before you have pre work to do. You first aim is to disconnect the natural emotions felt with sex and know that you are doing this for ritual purposes only. This is can be much harder then you think. The next is to make sure you do not look at your working partner in any form of lust (this of course goes for partners who do not wish to form a relationship outside of being working partners or are currently in different sexual relationships.) The third is getting used to practicing skyclad together. Seeing each other naked for the first time right before a sex ritual is not recommended! You may wish to spend time naked with each other getting used to it and noticing any scars, birth marks etc. before the ritual so you don't get distracted by them in the middle of the ritual. do you need to have sex before the ritual? not in my opinion, n fact it is probably better that you don't ever have sex outside of ritual if you do not wish to form a partnership.

Lastly is the random 'one night stand' form of sex magic - most probably two practitioners who do not wish to start a partnership who have a problem that they feel will be best solved through sex magic. Some will find this the most difficult to deal with, and if you have never even worked in a circle with this person before I do not recommend it. If neither of you have practiced sex magic before, I suggest you really thinking about this option of magick before going ahead. Some will find this much easier to deal with as they know it's a one time thing and if it doesn't work it never has to happen again - but do not treat this as a one night stand fling when there is magick involved. This is a subject you and the other practitioner will have to talk in depth about. Here I of course have to put in a massive warning - you DO NOT have to have sex in ritual or in paganism in general, it is NOT a form of initiation, and DO NOT be persuaded into something you do not wish to do. NO means NO. If ANYTHING happens in a circle that you know is wrong, especially sexually, report it to the police immedialty or contact a pagan organisation for help. You're body is a sacred temple that belong to YOU.

With any form of partnership, more sexual options become avaliable - kink magic and BDSM are one of the more well known ones used with sex magick. I am not going to go into great detail and I recommend you read up on it if you are interested. There are many, many good books avaliable for you to learn more about this subject, but I recommend you get the basic down pat before styalising or using advanced techniques.

(to be continued...)